Anthony Permal highlights the gaps in support for men battling with mental health issues and the importance of being educated on this subject
When Anthony Permal called off his wedding, it was only in retrospect that he realised he did it because he was trying to reconcile a lot of mental stress from the expectations he was experiencing from many people and from many directions. He felt immense pressure to get the wedding and their post-wedding life perfect. He also felt the pressure of wondering what his parents would think, and if society would point a finger at “another man who doesn’t want commitment” if he decided to call off the wedding, particularly since a lack of commitment was never the issue.
“Whenever this topic comes up, I have to emphasise it was never her fault. It wasn’t her. It was everything around her. I had to make this decision because it was better to do it before the marriage than during it. When I did make the decision, obviously, it was heartbreaking for everybody,” said Permal.
Thankfully he had support from his close friends and, more importantly, his parents. “The day I told them there was no hesitation from them. They had no qualms about saying they didn’t care about what other people thought. They wanted me to be happy,” Permal said.
He added that men carry a lot of expectations so to have that degree of support f rom his parents was important to him. Then the healing started. “I travelled and met f riends I hadn’t seen in 10 years. I flew to their cities. We hung out and I reminded myself that there are so many other things in life that I had been putting off.”
THE BIGGER PICTURE
Permal, who works with pharmaceutical companies, suggested that often people attribute mental health issues to stress, putting a larger problem down to being tired from work or having issues with their boss or just needing a holiday. In the area of mental health, the problem is all the material for educating people is centred around placing the onus on people that are struggling to reach out and talk to someone and we need more data to tell people what to look for in friends or even themselves.
He added that even if a friend does reach out, what support can people really offer? People say they’re here to talk but what would they tell their friends who are struggling? It’s not about sitting together and having a chai, although it’s nice to do that and shows good intentions.
He drew the comparison of watching a friend suddenly have a heart attack. “It’s not helpful to say reach out to me and I’ll help you. I don’t know how to treat an attack. But I can make sure I have the paramedics on speed dial and get trained in CPR. It’s the same thing with mental health. Go online, and study what the signs are. I think we suffer as a society when we do not educate people on the signs of mental health. We only educate them on the impact of mental health issues. We educate people on where to go to get a therapist, but we don’t educate them on understanding whether they have the issue or not, and I think that’s more so with men,” he said.
He experienced a situation a few years ago where a salesman who was selling mental health medication came to him and confessed he thought he was suffering from depression. He tried to go to a psychologist’s office three times in one week and turned around in the parking lot every time. “If he wasn’t able to go in, what about the average man on the street? I think mental health advocates are trying to do a great job, but I think they’re still only looking at the surface level of education. I think there’s a long way to go, especially for men,” he said.
He added that the reality for men is a lack of mental health resources, specifically in terms of support groups. “Now, somebody might ask why I don’t start one. I’d love to but who do I go to? Where do I go? What are the legalities around it? I don’t know who to ask. We don’t know whether some people’s insurance covers mental health or not. Aside from having to make the time to go see a psychologist, it’s expensive and he’s already stressed with finances, he’s already stressed with debt. He’s already stressed with putting kids through school. He’s being asked to pay upwards of AED 2,000 per session – that’s some people’s entire salary. So, we need a better solution,” he said.
Get in touch: @anthonypermal
This article appeared in Issue 002 – the Men’s Edition
